I remember being asked what I wanted to be my whole life, I don’t know when it started, but I do know when it stopped. It stopped when I enrolled in my undergraduate degree – that was it, that was the day the world of uncles and aunties (If you’re not Asian, this isn’t only people who are related to you, but all people approx. 20+ years older than you, and you call them this as a sign of respect. We do not call our elders by name.) and my father decided I had become whatever I could be.
The question I’ve never been asked is who I want to be. Have you been asked this question? Since this isn’t a real conversation, I’ll just go ahead and assume that you answered ‘no’ to that. Why aren’t children asked this, or young adults? I guess it would be a heavy question to ask young ‘uns but so is asking them what they want to be. I had no idea at 17 what I wanted to be, and this is the age at which I was asked to choose to study something that would become my career. I also had no idea of all the career options out there, and most importantly, something we completely do not consider is that there are new career options that will come into existence every year.
Did we ever see a career in being a social media influencer (full disclosure, I do not consider this to be one of the great options, just an option), or becoming a YouTuber, or managing someone famous’ social media, being a meal prep chef, or even arranging someone’s closet all in exchange for money? My point is that there are just so many options! And there will always be more than you are aware of.
Okay, digression done away with, who would you have chosen to be if someone asked you? Yes, there are many options here too, but I believe that if you choose a few principles as your guiding factor in this fleeting life, then you can make other decisions better. Yes, we all become. We become something or the other, you can be negative, optimistic, adventurous, persistent, hard working, honest, loyal, kind, cruel, fair, biased, skeptical, so much. There is much we become, and my point is that we don’t always choose these things consciously.
If we are lucky, we are aware that we have become certain things, and with some introspection we can understand how these qualities became a part of who we, and others, are. It is life experiences, and when we find ourselves become a frustrated individual, quick to believe the naysayer, too ready to accept criticism and internalise it, I think we need to pause and evaluate if this is serving us well.
I am in my thirties and for the last 7 years or so, I have been working hard to unbecome certain things and become others. Is it easy? Hell no! And I am sure many of you reading this will have had the same experience if introspection has led you to the conclusion that you need to question who you are and how you got there.
Indulge me in this, if you go back to your childhood self – perhaps close your eyes and let your imagination stretch – and asked this child who they want to be, would their answer match with what you have become? Do the qualities they’re naming make you cringe, smile, or feel like you are on the right path even if you got a little lost somewhere along the way? Indulge me also in this – would these qualities which you could choose to be your lighthouse as you navigate tricky waters help make your decisions easier, quicker, less fraught with doubt? Would these principles (which you would practise daily in this ideal situation that I am creating) help you choose a career better, help you weigh up the options available to you, help you to not choose something because it will pay for the house, car and fancy vacations while slowly eating away at your soul?
What do you think of this train of thought? Does this make sense or am I absolutely nuts?
Flannel Pyjamas
Flannel Pyjamas 